I’m laying in bed,

up on my elbows,

on my stomach..

its 4:59am..

And I was awoken with a panic..

immediate questions

”OMG are you okay?”

”You were breathing weird!..”

”You were twitching!..”

””For a really long time!..”

”Badly!…”

”Are you okay?!”

As I feel my chest being rubbed up and down..

My responses filled with confusion..

”Huh?”

”Yeah.. I’m fine?..”

”Why? What was I doing?”

- And I’m writing this while I still remember what my dream was..

I now responded..

“ I think I know why I woke up like that.. ”

And my dream was like this..

Some family have come down..

And we set ourselves up for a weekend of golf

We were driving to our 11:20am Tee Time

In the car they drove..

And I found myself eating French fries..

They were great too,

like crinkle cut from Shake Shack,

but seasoned like they were from Wingstop,

crunchier than fuck too..

I’m going in, just inhaling these like there was no tomorrow..

And I remember what I was thinking before I woke up..

I said to myself “This definitely infringes on my diet..

Therefore, forcing me to admit..

I had once again failed 75Hard..

And would be forced to start over on Day 1..

Once again..

And I’m talking, it was just the feeling..

Just the thought..

I didn’t get a chance to say all this in my brain..

It was just that😳..

Gut drop of realization,

that I have slipped into temporary enjoyment..

Too much enjoyment..

And was gratified..

But at a cost…

Of what exactly?

Im not sure..

Was it the deceit?..

Was it the thought of the reach for an excuse?

Was it the indulgence that went against my intention?..

Was it simply, that I failed myself?..

Ill never know, at least not right now at 5:09am as I’m finishing this up..

All I know, is that this feeling,

showed up physically..

And for that, I’m sort of proud..

That I’m this bothered at the thought of cheating,

more failing,

even if it was on accident..

even if it was for my enjoyment..

Either way, it shocked my system enough, to affect not just me, but the person I lie in bed with every night..

Interesting..

Like is there anything else in my life that would make me respond this way?

in my sleep?..

Ahhhh I don’t know..

Something to ponder on..

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for the read..

Maybe you can ask yourself..

What can I attach myself to,

that just the .008 second thought of failing,

would make me jump in my sleep?..

Then maybe,

I don’t know,

go do that..

Lol love you guys, talk to you in the morning

👊🏽🤕

Back to sleep for now💤