The Middle Miles
Last weeks Physical Therapy session included unlocking the brace to 45° and walking again.
Call me an emotional guy but it was hitting me to be literally learning how to walk again.
From the bottom up like a baby would👶🏽
It’s a slow process and I’m sure I’ll be back to normal again, even more certain I’ll be better,
but watching myself was a rough feeling.
It brought back around to this time October of 2021 when I decided to do my own marathon.
26.2 miles, walked most of it ran a little bit of it.
It was brutal, I didn’t sign up for one,
I just mapped 13.1 miles from Laguna Beach to Newport Beach to turn right back around and complete a marathon.
If you’ve done 75 Hard, you know how you just become a 5 star athlete walker lol
So I’d cover about 4 miles in my 45 minute out door cardio sessions, so I thought,
“If I did about 6 of those, I’d get through a Marathon?”
Let’s run it.
I can remember the day of,
That morning the company I was working with hosted a paintballing day,
I remember getting home being exhausted and adrenaline was just fried..
I planned to drop my friend off to dinner in Laguna Beach around 6pm, and I’d say goodbye, and turn on my tracking and start walking.
Even though the negotiations started in my head, I just started.
Something most won’t talk about is what I call “The Middle Miles”
The first 2-6 miles are easy, your friends are cheering you on,
You’re motivated and excited,
You’re filled with joy for even doing it.
The last couple miles, you’re driven to feel the finish line,
You can feel the end,
Your friends show up again and urge you on to finish,
You’re hurting, but you have these things pulling you to finish.
The Middle Miles however, are the hardest.
Deeper, darker and more quiet than you can ever imagine.
That’s where things go wrong,
That’s where the inner conversations get really slippery,
That’s where you feel literally nothing stimulating you,
That’s where nobody checks in on you,
That’s where the music quiets,
That’s where it’s no longer glamorous what you’re doing,
You feel every step,
Every thought is the loudest thing ever,
And you’re left to yourself,
Alone, doing something nobody told you to do but that you decided to do.
Does it sound familiar?
The Middle Miles is where a lot of us in life are,
We’re probably not where we see ourselves,
We set out on the journey a long time ago,
We’re in too deep to turn back,
And it feels like the finish line is nowhere in sight.
But just like in a marathon, those miles matter the most.
All the lessons come in The Middle Miles.
The Middle Miles are what we take with us, they may not be the ones we remember the most because it can feel like a blur,
But who we become, is made up on The Middle Miles.
The patience you develop,
The quiet work,
The steps that feel like they take you nowhere,
The self assurance,
The trust in yourself,
It’s where you learn to not negotiate with yourself.
There came a point where I hit the half way mark, 13.1 miles..
And I thought
“Maybe I can stop here,
I can be in my shower in 45 minutes,
The pain will go away,
“This knee pain might end up chronic so I’d better stop now,”
“Not a lot of people can say they did half a marathon..“
And the only thing that kept me going was the thought
“If you stop now, it won’t be what you said you would do.”
The pain of living with that, I KNEW would last forever, but the pain of finishing would last days.
So 9 hours later, around 3:30am I finished.
I’ll be honest, in a lot of ways,
I’m in the Middle Miles of my life..
And many times I think of quitting,
I sometimes believe maybe it’s not for me,
Maybe I bit off more than I can chew,
Maybe I’m not built for this..
But I’ve made the realization,
And ultimately made the decision,
I’m going to finish.
No matter how long it takes,
No matter how many injuries I get,
No matter how lonely the road gets,
No matter what.
I’ve decided I’m unstoppable, not that I’ll never fail, but that I just won’t stop.
So if you’re like me, and in the Middle Miles of life,
You’re one decision away from actively continuing towards your goals.
And I try to remember most,
these times are creating the man I wish to become,
The man worthy of those goals.